These coffee creations are lovingly crafted by me regularly using the fine products from the Black Rifle Coffee Company. They’re pretty much the closest thing I could get to the equivalent of stapling my eyelids to my eyebrows. Let’s get started.
“Espress-yo Self Cubes”
Have a board meeting coming up this morning? Need to stay awake through that class you hate but also suck at, so it’s either pay attention or fail? In-laws coming to town and you need to be wired enough to make it seem like you care about their new lawnmower and the stubbornness of that cyst? You will feel ready to take on your day if you make these babies ahead of time.
- 2 cups of brewed, cooled espresso (I use the Black Rifle Coffee Black Beard’s Delight whole bean)
- 1 cup coffee, cooled (I use the Black Rifle Coffee Silencer Smooth K-Cups)
- Milk to taste
- Pour the cooled espresso into an ice cube tray (recommend using the silicone ones if possible); let them freeze for several hours (preferably overnight)
- Once you let your morning coffee cool down (or you can use the cubes to cool it down while adding that caffeinated kick to the face) add the cubes and, of course, milk or sugar to your preference.
If you want to get REAL fancy to impress that new guy/gal in your life (or yourself), make the sugar syrup to put in your cup of joe. Take one cup of sugar and one cup of water. Then mix them into a small, heavy saucepan over medium heat and stir until the sugar completely dissolves. Once it’s boiling, let it simmer for about one minute. Set it aside and let it cool completely so you don’t mess up the whole purpose of your iced coffee.
“Vietna-Me-So-Sleepy Iced Coffee”
If you have never had a Vietnamese iced coffee, you truly have not lived! This gives you the heart palpitations you’re looking for without feeling like you just drank motor oil. The traditional Vietnamese coffee is quite laborious, so I will give you the quick and dirty way of how to make it:
- A dark roast coffee bean is best. Again, I would use either Black Rifle Coffee’s Black Beard’s Delight or the Black Rifle Murdered Out Coffee Roast.
- 2 Tablespoons of sweetened condensed milk
- Make however many shots of espresso you deem necessary for the day; this drink was meant to be intense — use 4 or 5. Be bold!
- Pour the condensed milk into a glass and stir in your espresso shots.
- Add ice as needed and if you want it to be less sweet, add half-and-half or any other milk to taste.
“Gainz Pre-Workout/Protein Shake”
I work out in the morning; it gets my mind right for the day, gives me added energy and makes me feel like less of a lazy POS. If you’re a complete psycho like me and drinking coffee on an empty stomach or before the gym not only doesn’t bother you one iota, but is actually entirely necessary, then this is the drink you need in your life. It’ll make your pre-pump (maybe even post as well) routine quick and efficient. Black Rifle Coffee has actually created the perfect blend for people like us who need our coffee, but also need our morning gym session without the weird jittery sweatiness that comes from pre-workout with ingredients that I can’t pronounce.
- 1-3 shots of espresso — I use Black Rifle Coffee’s Fit Fuel.
- Protein of your choice
- Milk of your choice (or water)
- Make your espresso shot(s).
- Combine your protein and your milk or water into your blender bottle.
- Let the espresso cool and then mix in with your protein shake.
I use a chocolate protein or chia seed protein with milk. I genuinely like adding the espresso because it breaks up that typical protein shake flavor and texture and it gives me a pre-workout energy that doesn’t make me feel like T-Total Crap. You know the kind I’m talking about — when your skin is itching so bad and you feel like you want to scratch your face off. Yeah, no thanks.